What A Job Interview Is Like For An Athlete

Well, I have a job interview this week and it dawned on me that athletes probably have to go on job interviews too. Sure there are probably some athletes that could take a poop on the GM's desk while negotiating a contract with that team and the GM would still be drooling to sign them. Of course there are those athletes that don't have to go out and look for new teams or new jobs, the teams and jobs come to them and then there is a bidding war to see who gets to pay their new #4 starting pitcher $13 million dollars next season. I just was wondering what if these big time athletes actually had to interview for their new team, what would it be like? I have some thoughts on the matter.

So imagine that you are a fly on the wall down in Tampa, Florida at Legends Field, home of the spring training facility for the New York Yankees. Let's take it one step further and imagine that it was early February of 2004. I can just imagine it now. George Steinbrenner and Alex Rodriguez sitting at a table. Both have lit up a couple of stogies and are having a good laugh. Finally the laughter has turned into a complete silence. George grabs the paper that was sitting in front of him and starts to look it over. "Well Alex, this is an impressive resume. However I have one concern. First being here in work history, it doesn't say anything about your workout regime or the supplements you take. I know we as owners and players don't care what you put in your body, but I need to be able to have plausible deniability should anything come up. So, would be OK with taking a pee in a cup?" Alex responds, "Boss, I don't even know what they put in me. All I know is that my numbers were good and then they went through the roof. I don't care if they are injecting me with anti-freeze as long as I put butts in the seats and cash in your wallet!" George joyfully replies, "You're hired!" The laughter resumes.

What about if you were a dust mite on the lamp in one of the offices at the United Center, just outside Chicago, IL. How about we say it is late summer in 1995. You are watching Jerry Krause and Dennis Rodman sitting down for a face to face. Rodman has brought a couple of groupies with him and a buddy of his, wait a minute, is that Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam? Finally Krause pushes aside the scantly clad Rodman assistants and takes hold of the paper in front of him. "Dennis, I'm pleased that we are having this chance to talk. There is a rumor that I would like to find out the validity on before we consider you for employment. Have you really dated Madonna and Carmen Electra?" Rodman replies, "Actually I just hooked up with Madonna and I married Carmen!"Krause leaps up out of his chair and yells out, "You're hired!" Rodman replies with, "Que the groupies!" Both men start laughing.

You could also be that person who doesn't get the interview opportunity at all. It would go something like this. "Hi, I'd like to speak with Joe Torre." Receptionist, "May I ask who's calling?" "Um, yea, this is Barry Bonds." CLICK! "Hello, hello, Bonds cries out. "Great, not again!"

Comments...love 'em!